Let’s talk: Wedding Planning Anxiety

So you’re having wedding anxiety. It happens. 

Even if you’re normally a cool cucumber, planning a celebration with all your loved ones can bring on unexpected anxiety.

This is a little different from my typical wedding planning photography, lighting or location guides. I’m simply putting my Top 7 tips for managing wedding-planning stress out here as a fireside chat. These are hard-won insights from years of being in the industry (and possibly a mid-life crisis or two).

But first, is it Stress or Anxiety?

Stress → normal demands put on you. Your system is designed to meet the demands of tasks ahead of you. Stress makes us perform better — up to a certain point!

Anxiety → a heightened state that you can’t turn off, often driven by fear of a future state. You’re snappy and reactive. Anxiety inhibits performance and makes your life smaller.

There are specific things that you can do in the short term to help your anxiety symptoms…

Tip 1: Picture Perfect?

Get comfortable with imperfection. Ask yourself, “If things aren’t perfect, why is it such a big deal?”

I’ve been trusted to photograph many weddings. The couples who reported being happy with their wedding after the big day were the ones who didn’t fixate on things out of their control.

Let the small things to be the small things.

Tip 2: Time Out

You might think that you’re being productive about wedding planning by thinking about every detail, every spare minute you have.

The fact is, you can bounce higher from a rested state than from a sustained state of nonstoptryingreallyhard. You will find yourself more creative and productive after a mental respite.

Compartmentalise, sleep, rest. Reconnect with your partner on a date that doesn’t involve any wedding talk!

Tip 3: Let’s breathe

If you find yourself in the grip of panic, let’s breathe to calm down. Box breathing can be used to relieve anxiety. It’s a form of mindful breathing that can reduce stress and induce calm, and is utilised by high performers, such as athletes and US Navy Seals, in stressful situations. Regular ole you and I can do it too.

To do box breathing, inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, and then exhale through your mouth for 4 seconds, holding the exhale for 4 seconds.

Repeat these steps until the exercise is done.

Box breathing can be tricky initially, so stick with it as long as it feels comfortable. If you are new to this practice, try to target around 4 minutes, or until you feel calm again.

Once you are able to sit through the discomfort of an anxiety attack, you’re teaching your body that you don’t have to fear the fear. This means that the next time you feel your body wanting to go through the panic, you are well-placed to know that you’ve gone through it before and will get through it again.

Tip 4: Ground Yourself With Gratitude

After box breathing, take a moment to name 3 things you are grateful for.

Gratitude grounds you in the present. 

You can also try a simple mindfulness exercise: Close your eyes and take a few deep, slow breaths, putting one hand on your belly. Scan your body from head to toe, noticing any areas of tension and breathing into them. Now turn your attention to your thoughts. Notice what your mind is telling you. Is it predicting catastrophe? Questioning your abilities? Judging you harshly? Label these as “anxious thoughts” and imagine them drifting past like clouds. Remind yourself that thoughts are not facts. Check back in with your breath and body. Notice that in this moment, you are safe. (Source: https://www.boundaries.me/blog/overcoming-anxiety-with-mindfulness)

Tip 5: Be Intentional

Don’t be afraid to go your own way. Write down values important to you as a couple about your wedding. It’s easy to get carried away with other people’s opinions. This could look like “loved ones only” or “feel like ourselves”. If something doesn’t fit, don’t be afraid to say no.

Tip 6: Get Support

This is so important in life and isn’t any different for wedding planning.

Be willing to delegate tasks to your wedding crew.

A detail-oriented wedding coordinator or wedding planner can take so much weight off your shoulders.

Ask your wedding vendors for their expert tips. They have likely been thinking about weddings and bringing their talent to these ceremonies for a lot longer than you’ve been planning yours!

Tip 7: Give Yourself Slack

You’re navigating a lot.

You’re doing well. 

Give yourself some grace and self-compassion.

Remember, your wedding day is not just a checklist of events—it’s a celebration of your love story! Creating space for meaningful moments will allow emotions to unfold naturally and memories to last a lifetime.